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YES TO CRUISE SHIPS, YES TO SUNDAYS BUT NO TO MEGA SHIPS (Minister Tyto)

[Dream news release]
THE DAILY CONCH SHELL
yo’ correspondent November 5, 2015

In a statement today Cayman’s Minister of Thinking, the Hon. Barney Tyto, noted that well over 90 % of the cruise ships presently plying the waves are NOT mega-sized. And they are all welcome to visit the Cayman Islands.

“All cruise ships ranging in size up to “Panamax” are welcome,” said Mr. Tyto, “including on Sundays.” [Panamax is the term used for the largest ships that can pass through the Panama Canal, as presently configured. Ed.]

Referring to Sunday cruise ship arrivals, the minister said about 14% more revenue would derive from this new “freedom” as he called it. “This will accrue to our country without any dredging or capital works of any kind”. He pledged to devote half of the new revenue to provide decent sidewalks from downtown along the strip to Seven Mile Beach, until they are paid for.

The minister said the gigantic new cruise ships, holding as many as 6000 passengers, “are just not suitable for our nice little islands. The same applies to the largest class of jetliners — we won’t extend our runways for them.We are three small islands and cannot ensure a happy experience for such large numbers of people.”

To loud applause from onlookers Minister Tyto explained “We need to retain our reputation as a safe, orderly and clean country for residents and visitors alike. We have delicate reefs to protect — that’s why people come here. They see a clean harbor from their tender vessels, and many cruise guests swim, snorkel and dive within sight of their own cruise ship. Quite a few return to our shores the next year, often for a longer stay.”

The announcement took place on the waterfront. Adjacent churches displayed banners saying “Cruise Visitors Welcome To Worship Here”.

November 2015 [fiction, unfortunately]

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